One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I decided not to do this in the manner posted. Instead, I will write a letter to myself as a young adult. I think this will be more beneficial.

 

This letter is written to you, from you, at 40 years old.

In just a few short months, your life will change…..and then, it will change again and again, and again. The events that will occur between now and up to, and including age 40, would astound you if you wrote them down and had them handed to you. I dont think I would believe my life, even if I handed it to myself. None of the plans I made occurred. And ya know, Im sort of glad they didnt.

I know you have an opinion, but dont think your mind is made up. In many cases, you will have to look at issues from another point of view to understand them completely-or in many cases, go thru something yourself, in order to change your position.

You will face challenges. Some of these challenges, will become opportunities. Others, will become lessons.

The obstacles placed in your path will educate you on many levels. People will tell you that they are stumbling blocks, and you will stumble, but you will also get back up and try again. In some cases, you will become bitter because of it, but eventually, you will ‘forget’ being bitter.

You will meet many types of people. You might not agree with how they live their life, but they will open your eyes that people are people, and to treat them as such. The absurdity of not being friends with those people, just because they arent like you, will be obvious.

Dont treat change as failure. Sometimes there is a need to stop what you are doing, and change it up a little.

People wont like you. It still wont matter to you.

And lastly….Love who you consider your family. Those people may not be your ‘blood’, but they will be the only people who have stuck by you thru thick or thin.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

When I saw this subject on the list, I admit that I thought long and hard about how I would answer it.

Ive made many changes in my life. I stress the word MANY. Some of those changes I HAD to make out of necessity.

But here is the most important part….you ready?

I didnt HOPE to change anything. I decided that something had to change. You cant hope for anything to change. YOU have to decide. Yes, YOU.

If something in your life isnt working, its up to YOU to do something about it. You just cant sit idly by and keep hoping for it to change itself. You have to figure out what you need to do to make whatever it is different.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

This topic amuses me.

First, I had a complete hysterectomy in 1997 due to a few bad Paps, and several issues that would disgust the majority of people who might be reading, so I think my first instinct would be to be to sue the pants off my gyn and the hospital I had the surgery at.

Secondly, I would wonder why in all the years since my hysterectomy, I never once had any type of indication I even COULD get pregnant.

Thirdly, I would get a definite second opinion.

Thats about it. If I WAS pregnant, I would get prenatal care obviously and carry the child to term. I would be rich, ya know…..from the massive malpractice.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

Whats the best thing going for you right now?

The best thing right now? My current lupus treatment options.

Yesterday I started Benylsta infusions. I previously was part of the clinical trials before the FDA approved them.

This time its different. For one, this flare is worse than the last one. It seems like they are progressively getting worse with each one. This flare requires immuno-therapy infusions, albumin infusions and now Beylsta infusions. This flare also requires SERIOUS lifestyle changes. (Which Im doing begrudgingly)

Yesterdays infusion has left me completely worn out, sick to my stomach, and otherwise bleh. I dont remember feeling like this during the clinical trials. Luckily I dont get another Benylsta infusion until next month, so we will see then how it goes.

But even tho I am not feeling well right now…..these treatments ARE the best thing I have going for me. Because without them, I WILL get sicker, and my kidneys ‘could’ fail, requiring dialysis. And quite honestly, that isnt something I want to do.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I dont know one person who hasnt had a thought like this float thru their head at one point or another. And yes, Ive thought about it a couple of times.

Even now, part of me wishes I could give up-give in….some days are very hard to face.

I choose to stay and fight. I have so much more I want to do, see, and be a part of. And if I gave up, there wouldnt be a chance to do those things.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

The reason you believe youre still alive today

I have to say that this subject scares the bejeezus out of me to answer. I have to say that Ive actually thought about this prior to seeing this prompt.

Back in 1995, after having a cesarean section to deliver my son,  I almost did die from a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). They believe that it may have traveled from my leg while I was pregnant.

I was rushed back to the hospital the day I came home with my newborn son. I ran an incredibly high fever and lost 6 weeks of my life.

During the course of the time that I was admitted, the doctors ran all sorts of tests. They first diagnosed me with leukemia, and then, with antiphosolipid antibody syndrome (which in my case, is related to SLE lupus). Also, during the course of the 6 weeks that I was admitted, my husband (at the time) was told that I would probably not make it. (I wont go into what behavior my now ex pulled during this time, but his actions led to our breakup)

Despite everything, I am thankful for this event.

First, it led to me being FINALLY properly diagnosed with lupus, as well as the blood clotting problems I had. Because of this, I was properly treated for issues with my health I was having and would have, and that is the reason I believe Im still alive today.

One of the blogs I follow has recently been posting these 30 Days of Truth writing prompts. (See list here: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/ ) I thought, what a great idea!

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs (post titles/artists)

I have to admit, todays blog took awhile. I decided to keep it to 10 songs (which was harder than you think)

This playlist is to Frank (of course, right?)

10- Motley Crue-Home Sweet Home – I chose this song because there I identify with the fact that despite the ‘wall’ I built, my heart IS like an open book that only he has been able to read. (yea yea, I can be a sap)

9- Tesla-Love Song – I chose this song for two reasons….First, it shares the title with a Cure song (and I promise not to put any Cure in this playlist) Second, Frank and I have a very complicated beginning. If you are an outsider, you may not be privy to the details, but we are on our second chance.

8- Motley Crue-Without You – I chose this one because Without You in my life, I WOULD slowly wilt and die. And you are the reason Im alive. Literally. Every lyric of the song completely describes how I feel about you. We gotta find a place where we can slow dance to this.

7- Pantera-This Love – Okay okay….this aint a love song….but out of all Panteras music, this is MY favorite…and besides, cemetery gates and Walk wouldnt really be appropriate either. Haha.

6- Alice in Chains-No Excuses – I can remember trying to ‘get rid of you’ and you wouldnt hear of it. Ive always been one that when things got too deep for me, I would try to run away. But you saw right thru that. (and yes, Im aware that this song aint about that, but pfft)

5- LifeHouse-Hanging By A Moment – When we first started seeing each other, I remember banning the words ‘I love you’. (We would say Olive Juice instead) And now I would scream these lyrics! (I’m falling even more in love with you / Letting go of all I’ve held onto / I’m standing here until you make me move / I’m hanging by a moment here with you)

4- The Cult-Heart of Soul – Im not sure if you know this song….but one of the lyrics ‘The words dont mean a thing, you got to get to the heart of soul’ just hit me in the gut.

3- Tesla-What you Give – I should just post the lyrics-theyre pretty explanatory (http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/What-You-Give-lyrics-Tesla/A0BFE93BEAB1B5E548256E8700151C02) You are my soul mate.

2- Metallica-Nothing Else Matters – First-How can I make a playlist without including Metallica? This song just fits us. (Never opened myself this way / Life is ours, we live it our way / All these words I don’t just say / And nothing else matters)

1- Pink Floyd-Wish You Were Here – Its no secret that everytime I hear a Pink Floyd song, I think of you. But this song especially reminds me of you. I always hear you singing ‘We’re just two lost souls – Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year’.

I love you, my Firestarter. I dont know how I got so lucky to have you, but Im thankful for everything.

Bonus: Ozzy Osbourne – I Just want You – See lyrics: (http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/I-Just-Want-You-lyrics-Ozzy-Osbourne/F558AF14824C13B5482568B7000D3F30)