Today I had an appointment with my rheumatologist and nephrologist. Im in no way ready to actually discuss my diagnoses, nor treatment options. I will only say that Im one step away from dialysis if things dont improve soon.

I cant get beyond my anger. I go from an ‘Im gonna fight this’ to ‘I give up’ in 0.2 seconds.

I mean, its not like I can punch my over-active white blood cells in the face. I cant get in the face of lupus and scream and yell. I cant drop kick my kidneys and make them better.

I feel utterly alone.

I feel guilty.

  • How do I drink a cup of coffee to start my day and not feel like Im letting my family down?
  • How do I have chips with my sandwich and not feel like Im letting my family down?

How do you vent when its your own body turning on you?

 

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